What an amazing Advent Surprise

OK...so I've been in the blah Advent/Christmas mood. I've not wanted to decorate, pray, spend time in reflection about the season. I've just been BLAH...one of those times in your life where your faith is just at a stand still. I know many who would profess they've never had the desert. I like to think that without the desert, you aren't so amazed and blessed by the overwhelming graces of God. I like to think that I am living that Christian lifestyle, through my suffering, which includes (at times) myself as my own worst enemy.

Tonight, I had a Christmas office party. Everyone in the office had gotten a present for the boss, except you guessed it, because part of my blah mood includes my reluctance to shop for Christmas. Here it was, another night I spent aside from my family with my job. I didn't mind so much, but it was all a part of the bigger picture of my blah mood.

Steve had written me during the day that he and the girls had a surprise for me. I thought it was going to be a clean house. When we pulled into the driveway after my dinner with my co-workers, noticed Christmas lights in the kitchen area of our home. My heart started beating fast, as I realized it could potentially be a Christmas tree. On December 15, when we usually have it by the 1st. Guess what? It was just what my soul needed. Steve and the girls had moved the dining room table in just the right place in the kitchen, had decorated the most beautiful tree, placed out many of our decorations, with our nativity front and center. The Advent wreath was in the center of the newly placed table, and the kitchen and living room were clean, and festive. The mantle was beautiful with the snowmen, like every year.

What a blessing I have in this family! The best Christmas gift I've ever received. See, they knew my mood. They knew I wasn't taking the initiative like I do every year. With just one gesture, I am beginning to prepare my heart for the Baby Jesus. Now, my "Come o Come Emmanuel" rings loudly in my heart.

Peace on earth and Good will to all Men.

Mary F.

O Come, O Come, Emmanuel...

Today is the first Sunday of Advent. This is typically a time we already have the tree up, decorated, Advent wreath blessed and blazing with the first purple candle. However, as I finish up 3 projects for class, I am reminded that I have not been on "Watch," as reminded in our Gospel reading from Mark. My humanity has certainly pulled me away from being watchful and anticipating the Blessing of this time of the year...

The children are in Slidell this weekend. I asked my mother-in-law to bring them to church this morning. Last night, Elizabeth, our oldest, called in a panic because our 10 year old, Emma decided church is boring, and now Granny wasn't going to take them to Mass. I told Elizabeth I would take them this evening to CTK. What I didn't tell her was Emma was coming, too. When I told Deacon Daddy about this, he said he would bring some discipline to the situation.

These things, plus the economy, plus all things of this world, have me melancholy in spirit. Why am I allowing this to pull me away from our focus??? Come Lord Jesus, send us your spirit, renew the face of the earth!

MFW

New Entry - Yippee

So, I decided to use some boredom time (i.e. time I should be studying) to update this stupid blog.

I had an amazing experience in church this morning. The little girl that was hurt in the four wheeler accident this summer was at Mass this morning. After the intercessory prayer, Fr. Matt explained that the word, "Eucharist" means, "Thanksgiving". He explained that we need to offer our prayers of Thanksgiving, and then told the congregation that all of our prayers were lifted to Heaven for Katie, and that here she was after a long road of recovery. I was brought right back to the summer of 2002. I couldn't stop crying at the witnessing of miracles. Katie has a long way to go. Steve did as well. Hearing Steve talk this morning about the timeline of the Bible and which books were written, why and when, reminds me that we are all called for purpose. Katie is, too. She may not know what that purpose is. I don't know my purpose yet, either. We are all called to know, love and serve the Lord. Steve does that through his wake up call of 2002. I never understood that. I think we were both called to serve through that incident. I used to resent that. I embrace it now. I want to be the Proverbs 31 wife, as was read this morning at the first reading. When Steve becomes a deacon in the church, I want to be that wife that brings him honor and such.

I love you, Jesus! I love you, Jesus!

Praise God.

Wallace, OUT!

Gustav...Thank you, very Much!

Since Gustav hit, our family has been topsy-turvy. Our entire little family (6 of us) moved into my office for about 3 days, until Deacon Daddy said, "Enough." He and the little ones moved to Slidell until this morning. We still have no power, but I called Steve last night crying, "Please come home, please come home." I am essential staff at my work, and for them to go to Slidell, well, I really did get things done. But, I now miss my family - power or not!

I went to CTK church last night, upset, and yearning to receive our Lord. Father Vu talked about how he had met a woman that "exuded a love for the Lord, even in the midst of Gustav." I want to be that woman. I want to exude a love and confidence in the Lord, no matter the circumstance. I want others to say about me, "She is confident in the Lord." I want to be an instrument the Lord uses to bring others to Him. Love, mercy, kindness.

Why is my faith on low fuel right now?? As I was in Mass last night, I prayed, "Let me feel you again." Why can't I feel His presence right now? This seems like part of my struggle. I remember in my younger days, I had no doubts that Jesus was walking with me. Now, I feel that absence. I took Eucharist last night in thanksgiving, and love, and yet, so unworthy. Please pray for me.
MFW

Our Lady of Prompt Succor

Even though I have only a small following on this blog, I am asking for prayers for south Louisiana, particularly those areas that were impacted by Katrina. Our Lady of Prompt Succor is the patron for protection during the hurricane season. Our Lord is a wonderful refuge.

I will be at LSU, as essential personnel. For this hurricane, Steve and the girls have evacuated with me. So, while Mom is working, Dad and the girls will be entertaining one another.

Prayers to you...Blessings from our Lord.

MFW

Our God is Good...All the Time

In our readings today, I learned that our God is Good! I learned that our God is FAITHFUL! I learned that when I call upon the name of the Lord, He hears me, and He takes care of me. And, I learned, or should I say, was affirmed, that our Lord loves to be praised at all times and in all generations (1 Corinthians 1:1-9; Psalm 145; Matthew 24:42-51).

This fills my spirit this morning, as I am trying to know the character of Jesus. He is FAITHFUL! I think of His promises...His promise to never abandon, His promise to always work things in my life for His good, His promise of eternal life. I cling to those promises, even in this spiritual desert. We also have the expression of this through our Catholic church. We are able to be in the true presence of our Lord each day. We are able to go to Him, and leave it at the cross...

I remember struggling with the "how" of doing that when Steve was sick. I remember thinking, "Oh, so easy to say. Leave your burdens at the foot of the cross." How do you walk away from the cross without the burdens? Is Jesus going to write the check for the late bill at the collections office? Is Jesus going to stop Steve's pain literally? As soon as I started going to Adoration, and not focusing on just the cross, but the real presence, I realized the friend that I had no matter the time of day. I realized how those promises in Scripture are alive in our world today. Amen. Alleluia. I love our Lord! I love Scripture, and the expression of our faith by connecting Scripture to Tradition! Whew Hee!!! Praise God!

Struggling

Last night, I realized how much of a spiritual desert I am in. My life is as stressful as ever, but right now, I am just cruising spiritually. How did I let this happen? Why did I let this happen? How do I protect myself from this in the future? Really, I think I am ready for another retreat. The one I attended last Advent was wonderful. However, I am thinking, just as I need gas in the car, a good filling of your spiritual tank takes you far; or at least 294 miles (Saturn Vue).

I am equipping myself tonight. The first part is my attitude. I've been struggling with my church parish lately...I often judge it isn't Catholic enough. What can help me here? 2 Corinthians 12: 9 "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness." I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me.""

I am also unsure of the path the Lord has me on right now. I continue to question my role in the provision for my family. Deacon Daddy and I have always counted my career as a blessing for our family, but I also struggle with the fact that I am a mother to my core. I just received a promotion at work, and I am excited about it. It means more money for our family, a satisfying career, and affirmation of a job well done. I must keep this in perspective, that this is more blessing from the Lord, and not something that "I" did. Still, I don't understand the path...What can help me here? Ah, my favorite verse in the whole Bible: Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare, not for woe! plans to give you a future full of hope." This is a promise that sustains me.

These are the main struggles I am having. I want to come to the cross with these struggles and leave them at the cross. I want to look at the Lord on Sunday, and tell Him face to face that I love Him. I want to tell Him that I trust Him to take care of me and our family. I am now more excited to go to Church, and to listen to the song of my heart...

MFW

Deacon Daddy is Back

Deacon Daddy was gone for a week with the girls to Oklahoma. He came back yesterday, and I am happy once again. Steve is such a wonderful father and husband. Though he does not provide in the traditional male sense of the word, I've never met a more clear leader of a household. Steve is the strength upon which this family relies. It is from him that I take my lead in life...His Christlike ways and love are amazing to be a part of. No wonder I missed him so much when he was gone. My prayer is that if any of the girls marry, they would have husbands like their father.

Love of My Moma and Daddy

Yesterday, my mother and father, both in their 70's, ended up needing care. My sister and I tagged teamed. Mom is in the hospital, and dad is at home with pneumonia. I realized yesterday the fragility of our aging parents. Life is fragile and beautiful. Mom held my hand last night when she got out of bed, and limped to the bathroom. She layed her head on my shoulder when she felt dizzy. She rested soundly in the hospital bed next to the hospital sofa I laid on. All of this reminded me of the times she took care of me. All the times I had my babies, and she was right there beside me making sure I made it to the bathroom o.k.

Meanwhile at home, Daddy was fussing about being too medicated by the doctor. I had to fuss at him, begging him to do what the doctor is telling him to do so his pneumonia didn't get any worse. Ok, by fuss, I mean strongly suggest. Daddy has COPD on top of the pneumonia, so they have to treat it aggressively...and he has diabetes.

You know, after typing this, I realize I need to ask for prayers for my folks. I love them so much. They have certainly taught us how to care for one another in the family. Good parents, good parents.

MFW

Eucharistic Adoration and Other Extraordinary Pieces of Faith

Last night, I was witness to one of the most reverent and amazing sites of my life...our Lord Jesus processing throughout our church's activity center, and then through the parking lot of the church, followed by 200 teenagers and families. How beautiful was the Body of Christ...both literally in the Monstrance, and literally as I watched these youth from the surrounding Baton Rouge area reverently and solemnly follow our Lord right into the church, to land on the altar table. I was full of awe and wonder. My heart pounded as the procession drew near my station. I am brought to the hymn, "How Beautiful." The house band, who I begged to play soft music, did the exact music my soul needed to hear. The incense invited me to follow the Lord right into the Church, and listen to the beautiful priest prayer and sing our beliefs and love of the Lord. I was able to adore and love our Lord, and KNOW He was present to us as a community of believers. To watch, as each of my children reverently stood and kneeled before the Ever-Knowing and Loving Lord of All. To hear the musicians announce that the King of Kings was about to be in our midst in a very real and wonderful way...

I am going to tell you that I've been to Adoration many times in the last few years. This Adoration...This loving and praising the Lord...this witness to our Faith...this was different last night. This was Our Lord, exposed to us all...to 200 youth who will change our world with the love of Christ...This was Christ speaking to me as a woman of faith...to be before our Lord and loving Him. What a blessing I feel to be Catholic right now...to have the grace of receiving the Lord freely everyday...to gaze at Him in the Real Presence...I could go on forever about this. I want to be in this Presence every day. The idea of spiritual communion and other such blessings of our faith begin to consume me.

My thirst for more...more faith, more wisdom, more sacramental graces from my baptism, my marriage, my confirmation...where do I begin? I am not sure. But, this moment will go down in my life as one of the Beautiful times my family and I were experiencing the Lord. What a blessing!

Chapel Veil...Really?

My best friend and I (my husband and I) had a young seminarian over the other night for some dinner, wii challenges (I lost and quit), and some conversation. Who knew that an old lady could stay up until midnight discussing the theology behind the chapel veil?

My heart was stirred during this conversation between my husband, future Deacon Daddy, as he is affectionately known, and the young seminarian (we'll call him Brad for short). Deacon Daddy knew lots, and this shocked me. As he was talking, I was falling more and more in love with him. His understanding of the faith, and his determination to lead our family is amazing! I love hearing him talk about these things, and I often wonder, "How does he know this stuff?" "Brad" was talking about the beauty of women and the beautiful women wearing chapel veils. We also veered on a tangent of liturgical dance, which, to my dismay, is not as beautiful liturgically as it sounds. I asked Deacon Daddy..."Do you want me to wear a chapel veil?" Deacon Daddy responds, "I am not going to make you wear a chapel veil, but if you wore one, I wouldn't oppose it." Translation...Maybe you should pray about it.

Why is this being stirred up in me at this point in my life? I was so happy going through life as a Catholic who is very faithful, knows more than the average bear (excuse me, Catholic), and loves her NFP living lifestyle. Who needs to push it further than that? I figure with all Deacon Daddy and I have been through, all the graces we've received (thank the Lord for everything!), and the way we are raising the girls, then things are pretty good, right? Why rock the boat??? I told Deacon Daddy that night that I would pray about it, and so I have and am. But, I told him that I thought there were bigger things we needed to change in our lives before tackling the chapel veil.

So, what are those things? Well, as I was reading verses in the Bible about veiling, "Brad" reminded me to remember that Paul was writing to the women of the time. In 1 Corinthians 11:3-16, I was not convinced that this meant for me to veil my head during time in church. I begged Deacon Daddy and "Brad" to understand that I would be the only one in our church to veil. Both tried to convince me that I could start the trend, for which I was not buying!! I tried to understand my feelings of fear and fear and fear. I don't want to be the freaky 30 something in church with a veiled head. Both said they understood, they thought what I was thinking was I don't want to attract attention to me, instead of the Mass. YES, I thought. This is it. But, was this really it?

As I started reading and praying, I also recalled Ephesians 5. I recalled when Steve (Deacon Daddy) and I got married in the early 90's. I refused to have Ephesians 5 read. I was not going to be submissive. Fast forward 16 years later....here I am in my living room telling Steve that if wants me to wear the chapel veil, I would oblige. To my big issues before the consideration of veiling...

What is missing from my faith? What is missing from my marriage? What is missing from my life? I thought to a homily that our priest gave on dress at church. I thought, "Surely he isn't talking about me...I wear respectable capris!" Well, fast forward to July 23, 2008. This conversation about veiling brought me to the importance of what is going on in Mass. I've always known what is going on. In a recent Bible Study with women at our Church, we did a chapter on the Eucharist. I want to fall to my knees now. Beg for mercy that I may receive in a worthy manner. But, we are not worthy. It is the mystery of God, His loving mercy, and His unconditional love of us that we are able to approach the throne of Grace and receive Our Lord on our tongue every single day of our lives, if we choose. Wow...stop...collaborate...and listen (from Vanilla Ice!). This brought me to my dress...is the way I present myself at Church correct or incorrect? My heart stirred, and brought my mind to the idea of modesty. We have 4 girls. I don't want to lead them astray. I want them to be ready when the "bridegroom" comes.

For the past 3 days, I've been searching for articles on modesty. I've committed this to prayer. As I told Deacon Daddy, I want to be as feminine as I can be. I want him to see me as beautiful. I am starting to look at my wardrobe, and assess each piece of clothing through the eyes of modesty and femininity. We will see where it takes me...

Mary